Okay, so I'm still rubbing them out at work...turns out though that it might not be as odd or creepy as I originally thought:

http://men.style.com/details/blogs/details/2007/07/the-office-jerk.html

I THINK I HAVE A PROBLEM

So you know that you have lost your mind when you start jackin’ it at work…Now I think that in most respects I’m a pretty normal guy, but if I don’t get my crazy under control I’m going to end up out of a job, or family, or house, or all of the above.

I guess I’ve always had an issue with sex and obsessive behavior, but I think I’ve taken it to a new level.

I need to stew on this awhile before I write any more